Thursday, October 6, 2011

How it Really Began

I firmly believe David began grooming me and the other 2 boys the night of that first choir retreat. Stroking our musical egos, telling us what potential we had to be something special. That part, at least, was completely true. The 3 of us had the musical potential to be something special. Like so many other things, however, that was snatched from us by a monster.

The individual attention started that week. Time spent at the church during the day, lunches, long truck rides. And after David felt his groom was adequate, the "test". From that point forward, everything changed. The questions. The places we went. It should've been so obvious what David's motivations were. But if I'd been able to recognize that then, David would've never chosen me.

One of David's most frequently used tools was our accountability time and the 4 S'es. Under the veil of (yet again) a healthy, growing relationship with Christ, we had at least weekly accountability time with David. This was mostly comprised of the 4 S'es. Each one was a specific part of our lives, the whole encompassed our entire walk with God. It was the same every time. "How are you doing spiritually?" Get that one over with first. Who wants to talk about Jesus when you can talk about sex with a fourteen year old? "How are you doing scholastically?" Right? Because David obviously, genuinely cared about my grades. "How are you doing socially?" Or, are you getting too close to anyone that might figure out our dirty little secret?

And finally the best for last. "How are you doing sexually?" Always last because it took the longest and was the most detailed. Of course, at the beginning the focus was on thoughts (impure thoughts, lust, etc), because these things are evil and should never ever enter our mind. Well, at first. But then, David's three learn that there are exceptions. Porn in the music minister's office? That's ok.

It was around this time that each of us learned that 2 of our closest friends also had the good fortune to be one of the chosen few. David had no issues with disclosing information from one boy to another. Comparisons in measurements (David always had us ranked mentally in terms of penis size), how far someone had ventured sexually with a girlfriend, a special masturbation technique used by another. There have been very few things come out over the last several years that have come as a suprise to me. That's part of the way David kept us from thinking what we were doing was wrong. If it was wrong, surely he wouldn't have told us about what he did with the other guys.

Eventually, like so many other things, sharing information with David (and David with us) turned into something else. There would be fishing trips where one, two, or sometimes all three of us would go. Even though there might be a couple of us, we still went to "Goober Heaven", as David called it. We always went to Goober Heaven. Goober Heaven was several different shallow shoals, half submerged logs, or large boulders in the Saline River. David often espoused the sexual benefits of Goober Heaven. Generally he brought his little "kit" with us on the fishing trips. This "kit" contained a seamstresses tape and a bottle of lubrication of some sort. It didn't matter if it was just me and him, or all 3 of us and him, he always measured us then told us to masturbate.


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