Saturday, February 11, 2012

A Crown of Beauty

It's very easy for me to focus on "who I have become" as a father, husband, and friend. What I have been failing to see is that it is not just those specific roles that are affected, but me as a whole. Not me as a father, simply me. I can't change parts of my life or specific areas of my life without looking at the big picture. If I focus on my shortcomings as a husband, but ignore my shortcomings as a boss or employee, I will never become what I was intended to be. However, if I focus on the whole while ignoring the parts, where does that leave me? Overwhelmed and facing an impossible task.

I'm merely human. How could I possibly see the big picture and the dozens of little pictures at the same time? I can't. God alone can. My job is to rely on His guidance to show me which little pictures to focus on to begin rebuilding the entire me. There are so many cheesy analogies or metaphors I could use right now to describe it. Jigsaw puzzles, building a house, painting a picture...but they all cheapen what will serve to be a life changing process.

I've waited for years for God to "fix" me, never realizing in my anger and pridefulness, that God was waiting on me the entire time. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm on the cusp of something big. Not just for me. Deep down, I always knew that God would pull something positive out of all this. I could never admit it to myself, but I knew it. I still don't know what it is, and I know I'm not ready yet either. But I know it's there, and I know God is waiting for the right moment to say "See? I provide for my children. I made you a promise, and I have not forgotten you." Until that time comes, I will continue to relearn how to trust Him again and rejoice that I didn't wait too long to rediscover His love.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He was sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance for our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion --

To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations."
Isaiah 61:1-4

I first discovered that passage a couple of years ago when I went about halfway through a Beth Moore Bible study called "Breaking Free". I thought I understood what it meant then for me. I selfishly assumed that the passage perfectly encapsulated what I had already done. Reading it now, that couldn't be further from the truth.

What I have chosen to become is not what Isaiah was to the people of Israel. As I read over it again, the burning question of the last couple of weeks, "what am I intended to be", is answered. Well, maybe more "what am I intended to do", not be. This is an exciting time for me. It seems like every day God is showing me something amazing, or giving me an answer I've been pridefully searching for within myself the last few years. I'm still not exactly sure how to change from the person I am to the person God wants me to be, but I know it's becoming clearer every day as God reveals more of His purpose and plan for my life. My prayer now is that I will find that constant reminder throughout the day to help me remember that I am not "David's victim". I am a child of the loving, righteous God.