I'm merely human. How could I possibly see the big picture and the dozens of little pictures at the same time? I can't. God alone can. My job is to rely on His guidance to show me which little pictures to focus on to begin rebuilding the entire me. There are so many cheesy analogies or metaphors I could use right now to describe it. Jigsaw puzzles, building a house, painting a picture...but they all cheapen what will serve to be a life changing process.
I've waited for years for God to "fix" me, never realizing in my anger and pridefulness, that God was waiting on me the entire time. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm on the cusp of something big. Not just for me. Deep down, I always knew that God would pull something positive out of all this. I could never admit it to myself, but I knew it. I still don't know what it is, and I know I'm not ready yet either. But I know it's there, and I know God is waiting for the right moment to say "See? I provide for my children. I made you a promise, and I have not forgotten you." Until that time comes, I will continue to relearn how to trust Him again and rejoice that I didn't wait too long to rediscover His love.
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He was sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance for our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion --
To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations."
Isaiah 61:1-4
I first discovered that passage a couple of years ago when I went about halfway through a Beth Moore Bible study called "Breaking Free". I thought I understood what it meant then for me. I selfishly assumed that the passage perfectly encapsulated what I had already done. Reading it now, that couldn't be further from the truth.
What I have chosen to become is not what Isaiah was to the people of Israel. As I read over it again, the burning question of the last couple of weeks, "what am I intended to be", is answered. Well, maybe more "what am I intended to do", not be. This is an exciting time for me. It seems like every day God is showing me something amazing, or giving me an answer I've been pridefully searching for within myself the last few years. I'm still not exactly sure how to change from the person I am to the person God wants me to be, but I know it's becoming clearer every day as God reveals more of His purpose and plan for my life. My prayer now is that I will find that constant reminder throughout the day to help me remember that I am not "David's victim". I am a child of the loving, righteous God.
4 comments:
Ever since learning of who David Pierce really is...and you are correct...he is a complete Monster...I have been unable to forget or forgive this man for what he has done to so many. I could not believe when I read today that he was already granted parole. It is unbelievable to me that he got out so quick. I, too, wish he would have died there by himself in jail, sitting in a puddle of his own tears.
My brother was one of those affected...abuse beginning over 12 years ago. I don't even fully know how that must have affected my brother. Some things you have said in your blog and that I have read about on the internet detailing what went on makes complete sense. I sat next to that horrible excuse for a human being at my brother's wedding rehearsal dinner...now remembering how somber he and out of the ordinary his mood was now makes complete sense.
As close as my family was to the church and to the staff to include Rick Grant and Greg Kirksey, I wonder if they knew that my brother was one of the ones affected by HIM, would they have done more? Unfortunately, I cannot get my questions answered so easily. I held these men in such high regard for so long...men who to me defined what Christ-like was. I have had multiple nightmares about this man and what I would do if I ever ran into him again, so I cannot imagine what his victims have to endure.
I wish my brother would talk about this. I hope that he is getting the help that he needs. We, unfortunately, are not as close as we used to be and he won't discuss this with me. That demon stole a part of my brother he can never get back.
I am so sorry that you ever had to experience the abuse and also that you now deal with that daily. If my brother were receptive, I would tell him the same thing. I want justice and peace for all of the victims.
Thank you for posting your blog. All I can do is hope that you, my brother, and the others heal so that hopefully, in time, his crimes do not plague your minds.
Hello,
I read this blog post some weeks ago and haven't commented on it until now. In a way, it seems that this post stands alone so beautifully. Having followed your blog from its inception, the spiritual growth in you is evident and inspiring.
In this post, you said: "I've waited for years for God to "fix" me, never realizing in my anger and pridefulness, that God was waiting on me the entire time." That sentence struck me deeply, as I, too, could have easily written that. For so long I shook my fist at God, telling Him to make me over in whatever way He felt was "right", but that whole time it was Him waiting on me to get my mind right and understand that He was waiting for me to come to terms with the past. He was waiting and wanting to help me deal with that pain, and to go through it, and come out the other side.
I wish you well, and so many good things in your life. Your blog has educated many in our little town of Benton, and shined a light where it needed to be seen. There are still many small minds in this town, there always will be. They were here decades ago, they will be here decades hence. Please know that you have helped many with your blog, those who were struggling in similar ways as yourself. It's a way we carry each other. Thank you.
Bo
So moving, so applicable for all of us to learn from, thank you for always sharing!
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